Un-numbered D: A Reflection on This School Year

Intro

This was written for an assignment for AP Lit, but I thought it was a valuable exercise, and it really improved my mood. My last AP test and finals still haven't happened, but it encompasses everything else.

"Letter that Addresses The Prompt But Also Goes On To Talk About So Much More"

Dear Alan from August 30^th, 2018,

Although it would most likely break some law of physics if you were actually capable of reading this letter, I nonetheless address this letter to you, because the person that has been most affected by the events in my life that have transpired in the past eight and a half months was almost definitely you. You don’t know it yet (in fact, right now you’re probably just tired from having barely finished the summer assignment just last night), but you will learn so much about everything in the coming school year.

Of course, on the surface of things, you learn the things you are supposed to learn in school. In Spanish, that is vocab, grammar, and culture; in AP Gov, that is the structure of the government and its relation to politics; in AP Lit, that is how to read and write about literature; and so on and so forth.

Beneath that surface however, you learn about so much more. You learn how to more critically evaluate the intricacies of literature and perhaps even art as a whole. You learn how to think better and think deeper, and you learn how to write about that thinking. You learn about yourself; your identity, your personality, the way you interact with the world and how to change it, and you even began to embrace the humanities side of you, however much weaker it is than the STEM side. Heck, you even begin to write a novella as well as a blog, and when it comes time to write a full-out thesis for AP Lit you choose the most hardcore cross-disciplinary humanities topic you can think of. (Hint: it’s about poetry and masculinity.)

There are things you don’t learn. For example, you don’t exactly master the art of how to better interact with people. And you certainly don’t learn how to keep your writing concise and to the point, and how to prioritize and cut things out of your writing, or your life for that matter. You don’t learn how to not stress about things that are done and over with. And, although you don’t forget the skills you’ve learned up to this point, some of the things you learn about yourself sometimes makes it feel like you have.

The path to gaining the knowledge you do gain, however, is not easy. You know that going in. Of course you do. No rational human being signs up for 5 AP classes and 7 AP tests after taking 4 and 5 the last year and thinks, “I bet this’ll be easy.” But, in this case, it is even harder than you think it’s going to be, and you almost get screwed over by your own personal procrastination a couple of times. Although this usually isn’t a result of laziness, but rather a (fairly reasonable) exhaustion of motivation, it is sometimes a problem. You are worn out most days – first semester, because of cardio; second semester, because of the actual mental workload you are put under. During the two weeks of AP testing, you take a significantly higher number of naps than you have since 2^nd grade.

The worst moments of the year are usually a result of that procrastination. The moment when you’re on the robotics trip [oh yeah, you do robotics. It’s a lot of fun, but also a lot of waiting for mechanical] and you realize you have soooo much AP Lit homework to make up is pretty bad. The moment when you’re finishing the performance tasks for AP CSP by cramming the allotted hours into just a few days. [This is worse for a few reasons, but I don’t want to spoil other information.] You get the general gist of things; I’d rather not relive them in more detail.

The best moments of the year are more varied. Some are school related–finishing your thesis paper for AP Lit, getting a I at Solo and Ensemble Contest when you thought you were getting a II, bringing a METAPHORICAL (not literal, I have not violated the STAR protocol) gun to a knife fight during an AP Gov debate, etc. Others are not–get ready for some revelations of gargantuan proportions. [These are extremely important to current and past me, but they may not mean as much to anyone else.] You are out until midnight with friends, at Skyline Drive to look at the stars, and to get food TWO times within the first two months of the school year. It only escalates from there. You make all-state again, you win Knowledge Bowl regionals again, you skip a class period with two friends to try and find John Green when he’s in Rapid. You come out (oh yeah, you’re bi by the way, figure it out earlier) to a friend who also comes out to you and the two of you drive around town for a few hours just happy for each other. You win something at a debate tournament for once. You see RENT live [!!] at the Civic Center, and you make National Science Bowl again (and win another $100 at the regionals). You get to go to Chicago, with all of the orchestra kids, and then Denver, with all of the robotics friends you’ll make in the coming season. You get a 1590 on the SAT. You come out to your parents, and they take it well enough. YOU MAKE IT INTO RSI. (Calm down. It’s an amazing feeling, isn’t it? It only gets better from there. The people you will meet at Science Bowl and online who are also going are wonderful as well. One of them is basically the same person as you in eight months, except for she’s from Texas.) Even though it won’t feel like it sometimes during the year, the good in your life so vastly and clearly outweighs the bad, and you are so lucky and should be so thankful for that. Be aware of that. Share the wealth.

And in the end, it comes full circle. You end the year back again with old and new friends at National Science Bowl, before proceeding to test for two straight weeks. You write a quality (hopefully) essay about Frankenstein on the literary analysis prompt on the AP Lit exam, a fitting end to your AP Lit career that makes you smile, although it makes your wrist hurt every time you think about it. You look back on the year that has past, and although you still have much to learn, you smile.  You smile because although you have undergone numerous trials and tribulations, it’s still been a good year overall, and the things you have learned from those stressors have been extremely valuable in making you, you. You smile because you know how lucky you are to have such wonderful and supportive people in your life, from your teachers to your friends to your family. You smile because the future is out there, and the knowledge of the world is out there, and you are ready to shout “Carpe Diem!” at the top of your lungs, and venture out into that great beyond. 

Sincerely,

Alan Zhu

May 16^th, 2018.