actions, not words.

Today was pretty good. Like yesterday, I was perturbed by thoughts and random wakings throughout the night (1:42 AM, for one). I woke up at around 8:30, which I perceived to be a reasonable time to get up, but something inside me felt like it was dying, and, after some extended period of time spent reading and listening to things on my phone, I determined that it was probably reasonable justification for me to go back to sleep for a little while, to see if it was recoverable. I woke up again around 11 and began reading again, feeling much better physically. At this point, my failure to get up was a simple function of my laziness, which does need to be curtailed significantly. Eventually, I rose from the dead, got ready, then read for a while longer before having a relatively light lunch. I read for the brief period after lunch that always seems to be very depressing, and then headed to a coffee shop where I met a friend. We talked about her summer and my summer and all the things w

Today was a decent day. I attempted to start writing this portion of the post at around 4 PM, after sleeping for around 12 hours, eating lunch, watching some YouTube videos, calling some portion of my RSI friends, and bashing out the problems on the MIT 6.0001 Advanced Standing Exam, which, as far as I can tell, are actually pretty easy, although the lack of feedback given on the actual exam does make me somewhat concerned. Oh well, I'm not too worried about this one. I'm still going to study for 18.02, 5.111, and the biology exam, but we'll see how those go. Concourse actually might prevent me from taking the Chem one, biology seems hard, and 18.02 is a sort of foundational class that it might be bad to miss out on. Interesting. In any case, I failed to actually start writing anything until around 6 PM, when I finally convinced myself to sit down at a desk and type. I had some thoughts after waking up after 12 hours of continuous sleep and yet still feeling all the ene

A weight settles on my chest, but I do not know where it originates from, nor what it is. Even though my eyes are open, my surroundings are dark, and in the ocean of void I spy little specks of light which I can only assume are stars. My arms and legs are paralyzed, and yet I feel no anxiety, no energy for struggle. Instead, I passively submit myself to the universe, as the lights grow gradually larger, approaching me and overwhelming me in their warmth. The weight stays. Today was a great day. I got up today at 7:20 AM or so, which was around two hours of sleep. Despite this, I was surprisingly awake for the first session of talks (partially a result of Dr. Pepper), and actually managed to enjoy some of the talks then. Then, session two hit. Session two was a 100% math block and the caffeine was wearing off at this point, and so by the time we hit lunch I was about to PTFO. Thankfully, however, it was lunch time, and some of the counselors ran to Sebastian's and back. I watc