actions, not words.

Today's blog will not be normal, just like today's political events were not normal. I would rather not go over my day-to-day minutia, partially because they are comparatively unimportant, and partially because they involved a feeling of disgust so strong I spent the whole day on the edge of throwing up  and a grotesque feeling of being stuck which was exemplified by me staring as Senators and staff walked in and out of a backroom for forty minutes, only to result in the most minor of concessions. This blog is not, in particular, about the Kavanaugh confirmation. (Although I am particularly annoyed by the Senate's "dilemma" over where the ethical bar should be for the most important judgeship in the country . We have reasonably credible reasons to believe Ford, and reasonably credible reasons to disbelieve Kavanaugh. What more do you need?) Rather, it is about a deep-seated disillusionment with the systemic properties of American culture and politics which over ...

These are some 11PM musings, which I suppose is late given this new frame of reference. Take them with a grain of salt. I'm trying to figure out why I feel so depressed and stressed, and I think it's possible that because I wasn't really pushed or stressed by external factors until about sophomore year (and even then in a lesser magnitude than currently and when compared to people in more competitive environments), I developed my own internal anxieties and stress feedback loops that made sure I would actually accomplish things beyond the mundanity of school. (Stress is a depressingly good motivator for me, despite its soul-crushing characteristics.) Those have finally backfired on me, now that the stress is of real magnitude, and I find myself falling into spirals of self-doubt and worry. *sigh.* Tomorrow will be rough. Update: 11:30 PM. One of my friends just posted a question on their insta story—when was the last time you felt truly free? I thought about RSI, and be...