133A — I could have another but I probably shouldn't...

"The Admissions Committee has reviewed your application, and while we are unable to offer you a place in the class at this time, we would like to review your application again in the spring."

Well...shit.

Okay. It's not that bad. I'm not as disappointed as I was about MIT. But this deferral was really kind of unexpected—I really did like my UChicago essays, and I thought they were very strong. What gives? I'm not entirely sure. I am, however, reminded of the lyrics in a song we listened to in Spanish: "No voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto, porque es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero..." which means "I'm not going to cry and say that I don't deserve this, because I probably do deserve it, but I don't want it." It's in a much different context than this is in, and I did cry today for other reasons (discussed further below), but I think it's quite relevant. I've emailed all the relevant people now though—CEE, my regional admissions counselor—so we'll see what happens next. I do find it interesting, however, that I didn't send my RSI rec to Caltech, and got in there, but I did to UChicago and MIT, and got deferred. I guess it's not a big enough difference to matter.

I went to sleep slightly late yesterday, working on a little bit of a data analysis project relating to this blog and then reading all the texts from a different conversation to help make me feel a little better. This morning, I had orchestra, so I did that, and it went relatively well, before I headed to Psych, where we went through a practice test which was also fine (God knows that if I can't do anything else I can test well). Spanish was kind of fun, as we went through some new grammatical concepts surrounding time phrases. We also started writing a small story about a chupacabra, which is going to be exciting, whenever I have time to actually do it.

Orchestra class was slightly worse, because we were confused about bowings, and it was obvious, and this was primarily because our concertmaster wasn't there. The thing is, I don't know what I'm doing, and I hate it, and I need someone else to replace me. Unfortunately, that's not happening, unless they move someone into my section at some point. There's a reason I sat eighth or tenth chair first violin, and it wasn't because I was good.

This feeling was compounded after I found out my AP Bio exam wasn't open, so I would have to take it tomorrow, during my lunch break in the final all-day rehearsal I will ever experience at this high school for the Christmas concert. Since the exam is supposed to be long (I'm blocked 100 minutes if I need it), I went and told my teacher that I would forgo a leisurely lunch, but I still might be late if it ran long. I was strictly informed that I could not be late, and that being a section leader was "different", which sure, it is, but I didn't choose to be a section leader! I've never taken a real one-on-one private lesson in my life! Fortunately, the situation was eventually elucidated, but this was enough to push me over the edge (note: this is still before Chicago decisions came out, so there wasn't even that yet), and I had a small cry in the hallway above the auditorium afterwards. Too much stress that I had already done everything to mitigate (as opposed to the college stress, in which I could have been a better person throughout high school or written better essays, which means my stress is at least somewhat justified) kind of took over, and I was done with it. *sigh.* Tomorrow's going to be rough.

Cardio was some more fitness testing. I did 40 sit-ups in a minute and 20 push-ups, which, although not great, was a significant improvement from the beginning of the year, so there's that at least. I also found out that I weigh still less than I thought I did, and am still unhealthily skinny, which is not a surprise but still mildly disappointing. At least I know I have a guaranteed A in that class if nothing has changed from last year.

I went home after that and slept, woke up in the middle, got my UChicago result, emailed people, and then slept for a while longer. I watched an episode of How to Get Away with Murder for no reason in particular except for the fact I was kind of annoyed with my situation and myself.  I missed the first shift of volunteering for NHS at the local "theme park," but made it there for the second shift where I managed people getting on and off the train ride, which was kind of fun. (Children are funny.) At the end, the volunteers took a ride on the train and looked at the lights around the park, which was quite nice. I'm glad I spent my time there; it made my day just that little bit better to be doing something not too difficult to help others.

I returned home, had dinner, and it's basically now. I have some essays that I'm going to transcribe, but not much else, because tomorrow is morning Mathcounts, all-day rehearsal, an AP Bio exam, Science Bowl, and a concert. Oh boy.