270A — What do you do when your dreams come true...
Today was a decent day. I did a lot less than I needed to, and I'm sleeping a lot later than I should be (especially because I have a nine o'clock meeting tomorrow), but on the whole the problems with my time management are most likely negligible in the grand scheme of things, as we tick ever closer to the end of the year. There is a rant in the following paragraph: tl;dr people believe too much in their ideals and not enough in affecting real, practical change for actual people.
I got up this morning at a time that was slightly later than usual, still burdened by a lack of motivation which seems to permeate my everyday existence but especially in the "early" morning hours. I got to school slightly later than usual, but parking was not bad, per se, and I proceeded to go to the WISE meeting this morning, which was interesting. Yet again, I was struck by some form of strange idealism of the group that made the meeting very slightly distasteful to me (see 179A for a more concrete example)—the people in the group seemed very much focus on "agenda items" and specific talking points and ideas rather than affecting specific and individual change for actual marginalized human beings in our schools. There are so many things we can try and do which will have no effect in a society which is intolerant of change—instead of wasting our time on a Les Miserables-type revolution where all we do is waste human life and energy and "nothing changes", we can implement specific concrete action on an individual level (like the clothing drive the organization did this year, or creating "safe spaces" for LGBTQ+ and marginalized youth) to affect human beings. Yes, the best way to impact a lot of people is through fundamental structural change, but the fact remains that our organization is not yet empowered to do so. In the meantime, achieving impacts for realistic goals would seem to be the best course of action. To me, it is a reflection of a form of privilege and naivete that allows these people to even consider these fundamental reforms, but perhaps then it is an appropriate use of privilege. That is something I am not completely sure of.
Anyways, I went to AP Psych after this, discussing some of the above concepts along the way, and in AP Psych we did some FRQ that actually went okay (missed a point here and there, but it's good enough for an AP test). From there, Spanish involved some minor assignments that involved limited cognitive load and some memorization that was quite fun, and then Orchestra involved some sight-reading of new pieces for the final concert which went okay for the most part, although some of the fast notes are rough for the second violins. I did my last day of observations after that in the library, before I got to go home and eat lunch. Lunch was followed by some Codex editing, which was followed by a return to school to finish a string inventory and sorting more Carmen suites. I got out of there as soon as the bell rang, and exited the school for one of my last Fridays here. Two or three more, depending on how all the planning works out. I am so ready to be out of here, and yet it is still rushing at me at a preposterous rate.
Between then and dinner I accomplished approximately nothing, although I did continue some AP Bio Quizlet review, and I looked at some MIT final exams for GIRs which continue to scare me. I probably should've looked at these before comMITting tbh, but I knew it was going to be hard, so we'll see how it goes. I might want to take some of the ASEs, which means study plans for the summer, but we'll figure those out as we go. For now, the goal is to get through AP testing first, then senior year, and then we can worry about that (and RSI).
After dinner, I did a lot more AP Bio Quizlet review. Already to six and a half hours out of twenty, so that's pretty good. I feel like I should have more to say here, but given the long rant above and my wish for sleep, I will call off my search of additional sentiments early.
Tomorrow, an AP Psych project, some robotics judging stuff, and then more time to edit essays and do AP Bio review. Exciting.
I got up this morning at a time that was slightly later than usual, still burdened by a lack of motivation which seems to permeate my everyday existence but especially in the "early" morning hours. I got to school slightly later than usual, but parking was not bad, per se, and I proceeded to go to the WISE meeting this morning, which was interesting. Yet again, I was struck by some form of strange idealism of the group that made the meeting very slightly distasteful to me (see 179A for a more concrete example)—the people in the group seemed very much focus on "agenda items" and specific talking points and ideas rather than affecting specific and individual change for actual marginalized human beings in our schools. There are so many things we can try and do which will have no effect in a society which is intolerant of change—instead of wasting our time on a Les Miserables-type revolution where all we do is waste human life and energy and "nothing changes", we can implement specific concrete action on an individual level (like the clothing drive the organization did this year, or creating "safe spaces" for LGBTQ+ and marginalized youth) to affect human beings. Yes, the best way to impact a lot of people is through fundamental structural change, but the fact remains that our organization is not yet empowered to do so. In the meantime, achieving impacts for realistic goals would seem to be the best course of action. To me, it is a reflection of a form of privilege and naivete that allows these people to even consider these fundamental reforms, but perhaps then it is an appropriate use of privilege. That is something I am not completely sure of.
Anyways, I went to AP Psych after this, discussing some of the above concepts along the way, and in AP Psych we did some FRQ that actually went okay (missed a point here and there, but it's good enough for an AP test). From there, Spanish involved some minor assignments that involved limited cognitive load and some memorization that was quite fun, and then Orchestra involved some sight-reading of new pieces for the final concert which went okay for the most part, although some of the fast notes are rough for the second violins. I did my last day of observations after that in the library, before I got to go home and eat lunch. Lunch was followed by some Codex editing, which was followed by a return to school to finish a string inventory and sorting more Carmen suites. I got out of there as soon as the bell rang, and exited the school for one of my last Fridays here. Two or three more, depending on how all the planning works out. I am so ready to be out of here, and yet it is still rushing at me at a preposterous rate.
Between then and dinner I accomplished approximately nothing, although I did continue some AP Bio Quizlet review, and I looked at some MIT final exams for GIRs which continue to scare me. I probably should've looked at these before comMITting tbh, but I knew it was going to be hard, so we'll see how it goes. I might want to take some of the ASEs, which means study plans for the summer, but we'll figure those out as we go. For now, the goal is to get through AP testing first, then senior year, and then we can worry about that (and RSI).
After dinner, I did a lot more AP Bio Quizlet review. Already to six and a half hours out of twenty, so that's pretty good. I feel like I should have more to say here, but given the long rant above and my wish for sleep, I will call off my search of additional sentiments early.
Tomorrow, an AP Psych project, some robotics judging stuff, and then more time to edit essays and do AP Bio review. Exciting.
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