294A — All my life I've said I'm gonna be one of the greats...
The rain is pattering away on the rooftop as I write this, lightly drumming its usual patterns indiscriminately onto the surface below. It is apathetic, and I only wish that I could wash away with its uncaring course and slowly, but surely, become a drop in the ocean, so insignificant that no one would know my name.
Today was a pretty decent day. I don't remember doing very much, and this is partly a result of the fact that I did not, in fact, do much, if anything at all. I got up very late in the day (not quite RSI late, but getting close) and, after a light-ish breakfast, spent my time making my packing list for RSI and MIT, including the items I needed to buy here and ship and those I could buy there. Hopefully, this list suffices for both these six weeks and at least the next semester, but the benefits of living somewhere is that you can buy and keep new things there. That is quite a paradigm shift for me, but it helps nonetheless.
Eventually, after lunch, my family and I went and bought some of the things I needed, and so I plan on packing all of that tomorrow. We leave on Saturday and fly out on Sunday (I do need to figure out how blog arrangements will work with that, especially since at the moment I am not confident the MIT VPN will work behind the Great Firewall), and from there my life will essentially be constant sensory overload and turmoil for the next 9 or 10 weeks, and possibly more, as planning for MIT goes ahead. I really want all the applications to open, for pre-orientation programs and freshman advising and whatever else I'm doing, but for now I'll just sit and wait and waste away. I need to find something to do, but a specific passion eludes me.
In any case, after some more dilly-dallying and some consumption of fruit, dinner came and went. I watched many YouTube videos after that and felt alternating waves of sadness and anxiety pass through me occasionally. It's hard to explain those feelings when they aren't currently gripping me as hard as they were, but the sadness seemed to attach itself to everything which was once present perfect becoming past tense, from haven't yet done to didn't do, and yet so much else that is now over and missing from my life. The anxiety, on the other hand, attached itself to the future, to unanswered questions about what I will do and how I will get through managing/helping my counselor group after the jet-lagged arrival in Boston and the travel to D.C. This all seems like a nightmare, but hopefully I am worrying over nothing. Similarly, many things remain in the air in relation to arrival at MIT, and although it is still three months away, I would like to have all my things in order as soon as possible. June 1st, and every other date and deadline that is coming up, cannot come fast enough. At the very least, I finished the Housing Lottery yesterday with a confirmed roommate, so I've got that going for me.
Tomorrow, a little robotics meeting or something, and maybe some packing and cleaning. Hopefully, hopefully, I can find something intellectually stimulating to do as well, but reading and whatnot aren't really doing it for me right now. We'll have to see.
Today was a pretty decent day. I don't remember doing very much, and this is partly a result of the fact that I did not, in fact, do much, if anything at all. I got up very late in the day (not quite RSI late, but getting close) and, after a light-ish breakfast, spent my time making my packing list for RSI and MIT, including the items I needed to buy here and ship and those I could buy there. Hopefully, this list suffices for both these six weeks and at least the next semester, but the benefits of living somewhere is that you can buy and keep new things there. That is quite a paradigm shift for me, but it helps nonetheless.
Eventually, after lunch, my family and I went and bought some of the things I needed, and so I plan on packing all of that tomorrow. We leave on Saturday and fly out on Sunday (I do need to figure out how blog arrangements will work with that, especially since at the moment I am not confident the MIT VPN will work behind the Great Firewall), and from there my life will essentially be constant sensory overload and turmoil for the next 9 or 10 weeks, and possibly more, as planning for MIT goes ahead. I really want all the applications to open, for pre-orientation programs and freshman advising and whatever else I'm doing, but for now I'll just sit and wait and waste away. I need to find something to do, but a specific passion eludes me.
In any case, after some more dilly-dallying and some consumption of fruit, dinner came and went. I watched many YouTube videos after that and felt alternating waves of sadness and anxiety pass through me occasionally. It's hard to explain those feelings when they aren't currently gripping me as hard as they were, but the sadness seemed to attach itself to everything which was once present perfect becoming past tense, from haven't yet done to didn't do, and yet so much else that is now over and missing from my life. The anxiety, on the other hand, attached itself to the future, to unanswered questions about what I will do and how I will get through managing/helping my counselor group after the jet-lagged arrival in Boston and the travel to D.C. This all seems like a nightmare, but hopefully I am worrying over nothing. Similarly, many things remain in the air in relation to arrival at MIT, and although it is still three months away, I would like to have all my things in order as soon as possible. June 1st, and every other date and deadline that is coming up, cannot come fast enough. At the very least, I finished the Housing Lottery yesterday with a confirmed roommate, so I've got that going for me.
Tomorrow, a little robotics meeting or something, and maybe some packing and cleaning. Hopefully, hopefully, I can find something intellectually stimulating to do as well, but reading and whatnot aren't really doing it for me right now. We'll have to see.
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