343A — Massachusetts...

Today was a good day. I woke up at 11 AM, sleeping in and out through extremely loud drilling occurring in the room next to mine. After getting up, I moved some A/V equipment back to Building 4, and then went over to W20 intending to head back to Baker when I bumped into some of the other counselors. As a group, we decided to collectively head to lunch at Sebastian's, which was a good decision. After a filling lunch for a very hungry me, we headed back to Baker.

In Baker, I worked a little bit on whittling my to-do list down, and a little bit on formalizing my project work. This was vaguely effective, and I headed to a lab meeting to discuss it only to find out that it had been postponed, and then canceled. At the very least, I managed to get some imported Belgian chocolate out of it, so that was a nice reward. I worked in W20 for a little bit afterwards to prove that my idea from last year did not work. This was disappointing, but at least I finally knew it was true. Oh well. Rest in peace. Time to try my new idea. If only I could formally define it...

I returned to Baker eventually and talked to kids for a little bit before changing and heading today's Jane Street lecture, which emphasized a lot of weird things about decision-making in a very broad way, but included a discussion of company culture and forced lack of ego which I wholeheartedly agreed with, having attended NSB and RSI from South Dakota. After lecture, some of the counselors got dinner, and then we had our staff meeting and did bedcheck. I did three one-on-ones, and then hung out with various other kids. Good times, just unfortunate lack of sleep.

I intended to write about this yesterday, but completely forgot about it out of exhaustion. Now I'm up super late again, so I guess this will probably be more of a haze than I intended it to be, but here we are.

It's now (over) halfway through RSI, and I'm so sad about it. Every day here seems so long, and yet every week seems so short, and the end is hurtling towards us without us even knowing. Almost every day, I am struck by an inexorable euphoria that I am here and helping kids, and that euphoria often accompanied with a sense of shock and awe about the fact that I was chosen to be here. This experience was truly life-changing the first time around, as it allowed me to live without constraints for the first time in my life. This year, the experience has helped fulfill the goal I set out to be a small, positive part of other people's lives in a way I never thought possible, aiding the transformation I had started last year. I had almost made the naïve assumption that I wouldn't be as attached to everything here as much because it wouldn't be mine, but I was so wrong. I am more in love with everything and everyone than I have ever been, and it makes me so happy, even if I'm tired 90% of the time, I miss good food, and it's going to end in just three more weeks. I can't believe goodbye is already so soon. Time to hold on and savor every moment I have left.

I was sitting yesterday after I posted the blog, listening to "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" from the Presidential Scholars performance and various other counselor group performances, and I was so close to crying. Euphoria hit at some point during the day, about both being here and the fact that MIT Orientation and Concourse and everything else are so soon, but the night has brought such sad feelings again. At the very least, I know I'm doing something worthwhile, if this is the impact it can have on me.

Tomorrow, more of the same, ineffable day-to-day experience that I love so much. Yay.

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