537A — Ain't no compass, brother, ain't no map...
Today was on the whole a decent day, although since I am now extremely tired and find it difficult to formulate sentences, my mood has deteriorated drastically, and I've reached a kind of emotionally agitated state that I would like to sleep off as soon as I can.
I got up this morning at the horrific time of 5:30 AM, which was compounded by the fact that I had struggled to sleep consistently during the night as well. I ended up heading out after making myself a water bottle of tea and getting ready, and made it to the rental car place, from which we journeyed out around 6:30 AM, stopping back by Next to pick up a straggler.
The drive there was mostly uneventful, as most people just slept instead of staying up to talk. We ended up arriving to New Haven just in time, and from there the nine round robin rounds began, with a break for lunch after the 6th round where we grabbed Korean-type fried chicken, which was really good, although most of us ended up having to take it out in a to-go box since we didn't have quite enough time for lunch. As the sacrificial lambs of MIT B, we ended up going 0-9 after the prelims, and during playoffs ended up winning exactly one game against Yale B, which we took as a success. (I had already reached the zen of not caring about results since basically round 1, which meant it really didn't matter.)
Having consumed lunch relatively late in the day, MIT B as a whole ended up heading home early, which was a good time. The car trip was a little scary, as it was a lot of rain, but it was a very fun group of people. Since people were more awake, there were also more games played as well. As the rain petered out, we arrived back at MIT, and after dropping the car off (and finding out that I had lost a hat) we headed back to campus, where I bumped into a friend from Asymptones for the walk back to West Campus, and I called my parents for the remaining walk from MacGregor to Next.
I was mostly incoherent upon arriving in Next in talking to my parents, so I ended up ending the call early, unfortunately, and then headed to Next 4W to begin the slow task of attempting to produce the words that make up this post with a significant lack of word processing ability.
Now, for thoughts. The drive home really activated my stress response, and along with an exceptionally tiring day, the whole experience stimulated a kind of overwhelming anxiety and strange anguish which is still kind washing over me, unfortunately. I kind of feel like I want to cry—not about anything in particular, but just as a natural response to my current state.
This is interesting in context of a topic I've talked about a little bit previous, but crystallized a little in conversation with a friend today, but my recent anxiety levels have been exceptionally low compared to normal results from seasonal depression, and I honestly think it's because work has been able to take away my capacity to worry as strongly as I normally do. This is very interesting, and is noted especially now because the workload this IAP has been exceptionally well-defined and has been surprisingly good because I simply have a void of negative emotions. I could live like this, maybe not forever, but at least for a pretty long while.
I am still exceptionally glad to have found such a caring community though—one of the students in the main lounge after I arrived home for example immediately latched onto my exhaustion and took it upon himself to make sure I was okay. So many people have done small things for me similar to this, and I am glad to be part of this place I call home. At the very least, this makes me slightly optimistic.
Tomorrow, a variety of interesting activities, which I cannot remember fully and therefore will describe tomorrow.
I got up this morning at the horrific time of 5:30 AM, which was compounded by the fact that I had struggled to sleep consistently during the night as well. I ended up heading out after making myself a water bottle of tea and getting ready, and made it to the rental car place, from which we journeyed out around 6:30 AM, stopping back by Next to pick up a straggler.
The drive there was mostly uneventful, as most people just slept instead of staying up to talk. We ended up arriving to New Haven just in time, and from there the nine round robin rounds began, with a break for lunch after the 6th round where we grabbed Korean-type fried chicken, which was really good, although most of us ended up having to take it out in a to-go box since we didn't have quite enough time for lunch. As the sacrificial lambs of MIT B, we ended up going 0-9 after the prelims, and during playoffs ended up winning exactly one game against Yale B, which we took as a success. (I had already reached the zen of not caring about results since basically round 1, which meant it really didn't matter.)
Having consumed lunch relatively late in the day, MIT B as a whole ended up heading home early, which was a good time. The car trip was a little scary, as it was a lot of rain, but it was a very fun group of people. Since people were more awake, there were also more games played as well. As the rain petered out, we arrived back at MIT, and after dropping the car off (and finding out that I had lost a hat) we headed back to campus, where I bumped into a friend from Asymptones for the walk back to West Campus, and I called my parents for the remaining walk from MacGregor to Next.
I was mostly incoherent upon arriving in Next in talking to my parents, so I ended up ending the call early, unfortunately, and then headed to Next 4W to begin the slow task of attempting to produce the words that make up this post with a significant lack of word processing ability.
Now, for thoughts. The drive home really activated my stress response, and along with an exceptionally tiring day, the whole experience stimulated a kind of overwhelming anxiety and strange anguish which is still kind washing over me, unfortunately. I kind of feel like I want to cry—not about anything in particular, but just as a natural response to my current state.
This is interesting in context of a topic I've talked about a little bit previous, but crystallized a little in conversation with a friend today, but my recent anxiety levels have been exceptionally low compared to normal results from seasonal depression, and I honestly think it's because work has been able to take away my capacity to worry as strongly as I normally do. This is very interesting, and is noted especially now because the workload this IAP has been exceptionally well-defined and has been surprisingly good because I simply have a void of negative emotions. I could live like this, maybe not forever, but at least for a pretty long while.
I am still exceptionally glad to have found such a caring community though—one of the students in the main lounge after I arrived home for example immediately latched onto my exhaustion and took it upon himself to make sure I was okay. So many people have done small things for me similar to this, and I am glad to be part of this place I call home. At the very least, this makes me slightly optimistic.
Tomorrow, a variety of interesting activities, which I cannot remember fully and therefore will describe tomorrow.
Comments
Post a Comment
Comments are appreciated, as long as you're not being a total jerk.